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Uplifting Relationships
Letting Go of the Past |
Foundation Seven
I intend to have all my relationships support my highest good and not bind me to the past through anger, guilt, blame, or regret.
Trust
All relationships are supported and enhanced when there is mutual trust. When there is a lack of trust, your time, energy, and vital life-force are squandered. Being involved with someone you do not trust will not likely support your life or your highest intention. So, a word of advice: never get involved with someone you don't trust; and, if you must be involved, don’t invest your time or energy into it.
Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a powerful way to free up your positive energy and release you from the painful burden of an “ego-driven” life. When you hold a grudge—for very good reason, I’m sure—it binds you to your painful past, misaligns you with the qualities of your true nature, and puts you out of sync with Spirit and your own true qualities. It keeps you stuck in a petty existence; it strips you of your livingness, it displaces you from the present moment, and deprives you of your own joy. Forgiving is not easy; and if you’re trying to forgive from the level of the ego-self, it’s all but impossible. (As Albert Einstein said, “No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.” Your ego was insulted, your ego was harmed—don’t expect the problem to be solved by the hurt little ego. You must reach a higher level of consciousness for that to happen. You must reach an identity, a sense of “me,” that is greater than your present sense of self, one that transcends your hurt little “me.”) Thus, in order to truly forgive you must disidentify from that ego-self, that little self that stays alive by not forgiving, by holding onto a grudge, by being right. It's not so easy to give that up. It may feel like you're dying. But, in truth, you end up dying (and get stripped of your aliveness) by holding onto that hurt little self, by mis-taking that little self to be you, by not being able to forgive. Are you willing to pay that price? Are you willing to make that big a sacrifice, to suffer that great a loss?
Forgiving others is essential but you must forgive yourself as well. So long as you do not forgive yourself, so long as you hold onto an outmoded version of yourself (and support this with feelings of regret and shame) you obscure the glory of your presence and your own nature, you lose your state of repose, you lose the full experience of your life, and you lose the ability to truly do God’s will. Again, is this a price you are willing to pay?
The ego-self is incapable of forgiving. We can only truly forgive (and love!) when we are able to get in touch with that sense of self that is beyond ego, beyond our self-image, beyond the divisions we set up between ourselves and others. We can only truly love when we come to the place in ourselves that is love—selfless, unconditional, all-accepting love. We can only truly live when we love ourselves and others , when the truth of who we are overflows into our relationships and our life.
Supplemental
(In this process) I resolve to give and receive support from others, to honor and be honored by others.
I, as an individualized expression of Spirit, honor and welcome others as that same expression but I also welcome them as a person, as a unique individual—with all their human struggles and apparent shortcomings—just as they are.
The Sanskrit term Namaste means something like, the divine self in me honors and welcomes the divine self in you. Welcoming the divine self in others is a great first step, welcoming every person exactly as they are, as a person—with all their apparent flaws, shortcomings, dark places, struggles, etc.—comes next. In true mutuality we want to welcome the whole person—their divine qualities as well as the good, the bad, and the ugly. The way we welcome and honor others reveals our true worth; it reveals how we live; it shows how we welcome and honor Spirit in and as ourselves.
The First Cornerstone
The Twelve Foundations consists of four cornerstones or “mega-foundations.” The first is active participation in a group of caring, like-minded individuals, all of whom have the intention to improve their lives and support each other. (The other three are: becoming a true and authentic human being; understanding and developing your creative power; and realizing your spiritual nature.) This path is not something you can do on your own. This life is not something you can do on your own—nor would you ever want to. The creation of, and full participation in, a supportive group, where true mutuality can be experienced, is essential for life, growth, and fulfillment in this world.
True mutuality cannot take place in a vacuum or in an environment that does not support it. There is a certain vulnerability that takes place in this kind of mutual exchange and it requires a safe space where a person can be held and accepted, and where a person is free to hold and accept others. There has to be a high level of trust both in the group as a whole and among its individual members. The more trust, the more safety, the more outpouring of each individual heart the more benefit and support such a group will bring.
Seeing Others as Oneself
In order to truly give and receive support from others, in order to truly honor and be honored by others one must see oneself as inseparable from others, made out of the exact same Spirit-stuff as others. If you are an individualized center of Spirit and inseparable from Spirit so is everyone else. This notion is impossible to fathom for people who are wedded to the unshakable conviction that they are this individual person, separate from everyone and everything, and having to struggle against the world to survive. You are a unique individual, with your own kind of autonomy, but you are not separate from others (or Spirit) any more than a unique wave is separate from others waves or from the Ocean itself.
Learning About Ourselves from Others
It’s much easier for people, at least outwardly, to give to others, to put the needs of others above themselves. Such “self-sacrificing” behavior may make us feel better about ourselves but more often than not it is just a way to hide our lack of self-worth. Others are deemed worthy of receiving our help—and so, we can be great givers—but when it comes to being vulnerable and asking for help for ourselves, this is more challenging.
We live in a world of other people. Others are constantly reflecting back to us who we are and how we view the world. There is no path to higher growth and understanding without the inclusion of others, without the recognition of others, without the respect and love of others.
The awakening is, in a way, the death of the “other” since the consciousness of another constitutes the very heart of the hallucination. … The story of awakening isn’t that of a fusion into a great, anonymous mass, but that of the birth of a new person. (Jourdain, Radical Awakening, 64, 121)
_________________ ◊ ◊ ◊ __________________
I intend to have all my relationships support my highest good and not bind me to the past through anger, guilt, blame, or regret.
Trust
All relationships are supported and enhanced when there is mutual trust. When there is a lack of trust, your time, energy, and vital life-force are squandered. Being involved with someone you do not trust will not likely support your life or your highest intention. So, a word of advice: never get involved with someone you don't trust; and, if you must be involved, don’t invest your time or energy into it.
Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a powerful way to free up your positive energy and release you from the painful burden of an “ego-driven” life. When you hold a grudge—for very good reason, I’m sure—it binds you to your painful past, misaligns you with the qualities of your true nature, and puts you out of sync with Spirit and your own true qualities. It keeps you stuck in a petty existence; it strips you of your livingness, it displaces you from the present moment, and deprives you of your own joy. Forgiving is not easy; and if you’re trying to forgive from the level of the ego-self, it’s all but impossible. (As Albert Einstein said, “No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.” Your ego was insulted, your ego was harmed—don’t expect the problem to be solved by the hurt little ego. You must reach a higher level of consciousness for that to happen. You must reach an identity, a sense of “me,” that is greater than your present sense of self, one that transcends your hurt little “me.”) Thus, in order to truly forgive you must disidentify from that ego-self, that little self that stays alive by not forgiving, by holding onto a grudge, by being right. It's not so easy to give that up. It may feel like you're dying. But, in truth, you end up dying (and get stripped of your aliveness) by holding onto that hurt little self, by mis-taking that little self to be you, by not being able to forgive. Are you willing to pay that price? Are you willing to make that big a sacrifice, to suffer that great a loss?
Forgiving others is essential but you must forgive yourself as well. So long as you do not forgive yourself, so long as you hold onto an outmoded version of yourself (and support this with feelings of regret and shame) you obscure the glory of your presence and your own nature, you lose your state of repose, you lose the full experience of your life, and you lose the ability to truly do God’s will. Again, is this a price you are willing to pay?
The ego-self is incapable of forgiving. We can only truly forgive (and love!) when we are able to get in touch with that sense of self that is beyond ego, beyond our self-image, beyond the divisions we set up between ourselves and others. We can only truly love when we come to the place in ourselves that is love—selfless, unconditional, all-accepting love. We can only truly live when we love ourselves and others , when the truth of who we are overflows into our relationships and our life.
Supplemental
(In this process) I resolve to give and receive support from others, to honor and be honored by others.
I, as an individualized expression of Spirit, honor and welcome others as that same expression but I also welcome them as a person, as a unique individual—with all their human struggles and apparent shortcomings—just as they are.
The Sanskrit term Namaste means something like, the divine self in me honors and welcomes the divine self in you. Welcoming the divine self in others is a great first step, welcoming every person exactly as they are, as a person—with all their apparent flaws, shortcomings, dark places, struggles, etc.—comes next. In true mutuality we want to welcome the whole person—their divine qualities as well as the good, the bad, and the ugly. The way we welcome and honor others reveals our true worth; it reveals how we live; it shows how we welcome and honor Spirit in and as ourselves.
The First Cornerstone
The Twelve Foundations consists of four cornerstones or “mega-foundations.” The first is active participation in a group of caring, like-minded individuals, all of whom have the intention to improve their lives and support each other. (The other three are: becoming a true and authentic human being; understanding and developing your creative power; and realizing your spiritual nature.) This path is not something you can do on your own. This life is not something you can do on your own—nor would you ever want to. The creation of, and full participation in, a supportive group, where true mutuality can be experienced, is essential for life, growth, and fulfillment in this world.
True mutuality cannot take place in a vacuum or in an environment that does not support it. There is a certain vulnerability that takes place in this kind of mutual exchange and it requires a safe space where a person can be held and accepted, and where a person is free to hold and accept others. There has to be a high level of trust both in the group as a whole and among its individual members. The more trust, the more safety, the more outpouring of each individual heart the more benefit and support such a group will bring.
Seeing Others as Oneself
In order to truly give and receive support from others, in order to truly honor and be honored by others one must see oneself as inseparable from others, made out of the exact same Spirit-stuff as others. If you are an individualized center of Spirit and inseparable from Spirit so is everyone else. This notion is impossible to fathom for people who are wedded to the unshakable conviction that they are this individual person, separate from everyone and everything, and having to struggle against the world to survive. You are a unique individual, with your own kind of autonomy, but you are not separate from others (or Spirit) any more than a unique wave is separate from others waves or from the Ocean itself.
Learning About Ourselves from Others
It’s much easier for people, at least outwardly, to give to others, to put the needs of others above themselves. Such “self-sacrificing” behavior may make us feel better about ourselves but more often than not it is just a way to hide our lack of self-worth. Others are deemed worthy of receiving our help—and so, we can be great givers—but when it comes to being vulnerable and asking for help for ourselves, this is more challenging.
We live in a world of other people. Others are constantly reflecting back to us who we are and how we view the world. There is no path to higher growth and understanding without the inclusion of others, without the recognition of others, without the respect and love of others.
The awakening is, in a way, the death of the “other” since the consciousness of another constitutes the very heart of the hallucination. … The story of awakening isn’t that of a fusion into a great, anonymous mass, but that of the birth of a new person. (Jourdain, Radical Awakening, 64, 121)
_________________ ◊ ◊ ◊ __________________
